"Greenville, House Squirrels and an Evil Step-Monster" By Ace

Much as I'm inclined to start from the beginning, from birth, and tell my whole story leading up to this point, my evil step-monster, Jenny, is watching me like I'm a lit stick of dynamite. So, I'll start in Greenville, and hope my previous life somehow speaks for itself.

I am the assistant and best friend to my Rob, who is a doctor. Since I am like a son to him, I sometimes call him Dad, though he pretty much just calls me Ace. "Ace," as you may know, is Pomeranian for, "supreme being loved by all and deserving of all things wonderful."

When Rob had to move to Greenville for a job, he naturally needed me to move with him. Little did I know, moving with Rob also meant living with the step-monster and her two meowing house squirrels. The house squirrels think they own me. I call her "step-monster," but I'm pretty sure only witches bring their mignons with them. It's only a matter of time before she conjures flying monkees.

I never imagined I'd have a nemesis, but I admit I've enjoyed our little battle of wills. She lets me outside eight times and I still take a massive dump at the top of the stairs when company's in town. She fixes the fence twice so I can't escape, and I dig a hole and escape anyway. Oh, the sport of it all!

Yesterday, the step-monster and I watched "Mama Mia" together. She thinks I like that movie because I jump around her while she flails like a stabbing victim to the music. What I'm actually doing is trying to bite her face.

One day, good people, I will drive her from this house. But for now, I must stay to protect Rob from her and the house squirrels. Wish me luck.